Rhythm in Blue Page 13

  “Yeah, just get a little dizzy going down the hill.” It was more than just the hill, though. He felt it standing on his front porch, descending stairs, and any other time he wasn’t on level, solid ground.

  “I might as well tell you before we get there – Julia invited a friend she wants to set you up with. Her name is Carrie, and she’s really nice, so don’t be a dick or anything.”

  “What, so now I’m supposed to spend all my time with this woman?” It figured Julia would mess up his plans. Why did his friends always feel the need to go messing in his personal life? Maybe Randy was right – it was time to make some new friends, friends who would just let him be and not fuss over everything he did or didn’t do.

  “No, she doesn’t know anything about it. Just be nice and give her a chance. Julia really thinks you two would hit it off.”

  “Fine,” he grumbled as he opened his second beer. “But will you tell Julia not to do that? I hate set-ups.”

  “I know you do, and I told her already. She just worries about you and thinks you need someone in your life – says it unhealthy for you to spend so much time alone, and I gotta agree with her on that.”

  “Maybe, and maybe it’s what I need right now.” He didn’t inform Devon that not only did it make him happy, but that he didn’t have the energy for anything else. So much for new friends.

  As they approached Keith’s house, it became obvious it was a big party. They circled several blocks, but could find no place to park. Finally, Devon pulled his car into Keith’s yard.

  “There’s no way I’m gonna make you walk a mile just to get to the door. If he doesn’t like it, he can have me towed.”

  Rick was relieved. The four pills were kicking in and what he wanted most was immobility.

  Chapter Nineteen

  As they entered the large, stylish, un-Keith-like home, Rick could barely hear the music over the din of people talking. Since it was a party to celebrate the release of Slave to the Night, the album played in the background. Hoots and hollers of welcome sounded from all around as they entered.

  They made their way through the crowded living room, stopping to acknowledge friends and acquaintances along the way. Rick stayed close to Devon and tried to move him along at a quicker pace, anxious to find a place to sit. The noise, combined with the limited personal space, was triggering another attack of vertigo and claustrophobia.

  At last, they spotted Julia sitting at the kitchen table with Morgan, Randy, and several women Rick didn’t recognize. Randy stood up, slapped Rick on the back, and shook his hand.

  “Alright, you made it. We were starting to worry about you.”

  “I had to wait forever for him to get ready. The guy takes longer than anyone I ever met,” Devon said.

  “Well, I’m glad you finally made it.” Randy leaned in and quietly asked, “Are you okay? You look like shit, and your hand is really clammy.”

  “Yeah, I just need to sit down.”

  Randy offered his chair to Rick, and as he sat down, he noticed Randy wouldn’t stop watching him. Keith came over and handed him a beer as Julia began introductions. Of course, Carrie was the first person he met, followed by Audrey, and then Beth. He shook hands with them all, and tried to be charming. Carrie and Audrey didn’t impress him, but Beth, he thought, seemed pretty cool. He saved his biggest smiles for her and tried to catch her eye as much as possible. When he did, she’d bashfully smile back. Rick felt he was doing well entertaining the women even though he knew he sounded a little odd. The way they were all looking at him made him worry they could tell how stoned he was. He drank his beer and popped another pill in hopes it would calm and help him relax into the atmosphere of the party.

  Julia told him all about Carrie, of course making her sound like an ideal match for any man, but Rick couldn’t stop staring at Beth. She had a dark mystique about her that he found irresistible. The conversation grew louder as Carrie tried to put her best foot forward. Rick was polite, but before long, it became obvious that he wasn’t interested. Randy finally dropped his vigil and left the table, and not long after, the women followed. Beth rose to leave with them, but Rick grabbed her hand.

  “So Beth, you’ve been very quiet. Tell me about you.” The sound of his own voice was unnatural, and didn’t blame Beth for trying to get away, but once he had her one-on-one, he knew he’d be able to fix any of her initial doubts.

  She avoided his gaze now, and if she did look at Rick, it was just for a brief moment. He couldn’t tell why she was acting so shy.

  “There really isn’t much to tell,” she said, slowly returning to her seat. “I know Julia from college. We get together once in a while. I was really surprised when she asked me to come to this party with her.”

  “Are you from around here?” he asked. “What do you do?”

  “Yeah, I grew up here. I work at the university library.”

  “You do? Wow, that is so cool,” he said, trying to sound casual. He decided a compliment might get her to loosen up. “You fit right into the sexy librarian fantasy.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Certain that she had misunderstood, he explained, “I don’t mean it in a bad way. It’s good, you look like you’re all serious, but get you alone, and the sex goddess comes out. Do you want to go somewhere more private so we can talk?”

  “Are you serious?” she asked, her face screwed up in disgust.

  ‘Yeah, Keith won’t care if we use one of his rooms, will you Keith?”

  Keith and his latest girlfriend joined them at the table, and no sooner had they taken their seats than Beth rose and excused herself, shaking her head.

  “Will I what?” Keith asked.

  Rick looked at him for a moment in disbelief. “Nothing, never mind,” he said, annoyed they had scared her off.

  “Do you need anything? You look like you need some sun, or a nap at the very least.” Keith laughed as he picked up Rick’s beer can and shook it. “Want another beer?”

  “Do you have anything stronger?”

  Keith smiled and headed for the living room. He returned a couple of minutes later with a bottle of Crown and a glass. “Need ice?”

  “Nope, this is just fine.”

  After pouring himself a generous portion, Rick settled into his chair to watch the party, and hoped Beth might return once he was alone again. The table’s occupants changed often, some he tried to visit with, and others he just observed. No one seemed very anxious to enter into any lengthy discussion with him. Most didn’t stay long and wandered away in search of different company. He spotted Devon and Randy across the room, watching him, and he could tell they’d been talking about him. After a few drinks, Keith returned and sat beside him.

  “How ya doing? Want something to eat?”

  “No, I’m good, thanks. But I do need to hit the head.”

  “You know the way…” Keith said, as Rick stood and left the table.

  He didn’t see which way Beth had gone, but he hoped he might find her on his way to the bathroom. As he reentered the crowded living room, he once again felt the dizziness and the need to escape. He made it through to the hallway but never spotted her. He discovered a line for the bathroom, so he turned and headed for the one in Keith’s bedroom on the second floor. The steps were steeper than he remembered and he reached for the railing to steady himself.

  It occurred to him that Beth might already be upstairs, waiting for him, but he didn’t find her after a thorough search. Then, he remembered – it was the bathroom he was after, so he wandered back to Keith’s room.

  Rick closed the door behind him, creating a wall between the rhythm of the party and himself. The sudden quiet made him aware of just how stoned he was. After he relieved himself, he looked in the mirror and saw he still had a bluish pallor, even though he felt flushed. He splashed some water on his face from the sink. The cold water refreshed and helped clear his head, reconnecting his thoughts and his body, which seemed to be traveling in divergent realities. He spla
shed his neck and arms, hoping to further anchor his consciousness.

  While he dried off, he tried to slow his breathing. It felt more like panting, and when he thought it had returned to normal, he automatically reached into his pocket for the bottle of cocaine. He snorted a few times in each nostril and waited for the rush to hit him. Reaching into his other pocket, he pulled out the bottle of pills and tapped two into his hand. He scooped water from the sink’s faucet to wash them down.

  After checking his reflection once again, he started for the door, but a strong wave of nausea suddenly hit him hard. Running to the toilet, he dropped to his knees and leaned over the bowl. His body racked with dry heaves, and he became alarmed. His trembling hands gripped the sides of the bowl. When the spasms finally stopped, he collapsed, smacking his cheek on the seat. He didn’t notice the impact, all he knew was that the coolness felt good on his face, and he alternated his cheeks to different spots around the oval, in search of relief.

  When he thought he could, he slowly rose and went back to the sink to splash his face again. This time, the water didn’t help, and he felt as though he was beginning to spiral down a deep hole – a hole which grew hotter and more constricting the farther he fell.

  He stripped off his clothes and climbed into the tub. The porcelain had the same cooling effect as the toilet seat, but he needed more. Turning the cold-water knob with one foot, he moved the lever to the shower position with the other. The spray of cold water helped, and he began to relax. Soon, he felt himself drifting down the hole, or to sleep – he didn’t know and didn’t care.

  ~

  A barrier separated Rick’s world and the place in which he found himself. It resembled a thick fog he couldn’t see through and couldn’t wave away. He didn’t like it. Someone called his name repeatedly, and the sound echoed through his head. A dull, rhythmic thumping intruded his limited awareness, he tried to push the thumping away through the fog, and it ceased briefly. It began again after a moment, but felt sharper now, and he realized it was slapping, someone was slapping him in the face, and he felt himself rising up through the hole he so willingly descended.

  The fog began to clear a little, and he could see a face in front of him but, he couldn’t make out the features well enough to tell who it was. The echoing of his name ceased, but there was a loud commotion around him. Someone was screaming, “Call an ambulance!” Rick wondered what happened, and if someone had been hurt, but he also hoped that whoever it was would soon get help so the screaming would stop.

  He felt as though he was walking, but he didn’t remember needing to go anywhere. The hole was inviting him back, pulling at him. He smiled at it, and hoped it knew he would be back when he was done with his walk. His walking companion was urging him along, but Rick didn’t want to be rushed. They would just have to wait, because he needed a break. The companion yanked him back to pace. Slowly, he realized it was Randy forcing him to march. Rick couldn’t see him, but he could hear him speaking in a soothing and encouraging manner. “Come on buddy, stay with me,” he kept saying. Rick found it amusing that Randy was commanding him to stay with him as he dragged him along, as if he had a choice. Then he heard Devon’s voice – “Jesus, at least cover him up. He doesn’t need everyone staring at him naked.” Rick laughed to himself and wished he could see the naked idiot, but his eyes wouldn’t focus or stay open. He felt himself slipping, and he let the hole take him again.

  Chapter Twenty

  Looking around the hospital room, Rick noted the lack of flowers and balloons that decorated his surroundings during his last hospital stay. This time, he didn’t awaken to find Erin holding his hand. Devon had been there, but the atmosphere definitely felt different. Rick couldn’t tell if Devon looked down on him, or if his own embarrassment and humiliation projected the feelings.

  “Please don’t tell Erin,” was all he asked of Devon.

  “I won’t, but you better hope it doesn’t hit the papers.”

  The idea of his stupidity becoming news for the masses made him feel even more ill, but after almost a week, the secret was, incredibly, still safe. He was sure that given the size of the party and the number of witnesses, the story would get out.

  Six miserable days had passed since the ambulance delivered him, precariously hanging to life. Rick had a vague recollection of having his stomach pumped, they informed him that they’d injected him with something to counter the effects of the drugs in his system. Six days he spent sweating, vomiting, and running to the toilet. Though it was mostly his head, his whole body hurt, just as it had after his car accident, but this time there was no injury, just drugs leaving his system.

  The guys had been there through the worst of it, but once it became clear that Rick would survive, they went their separate ways. Devon stayed longer, but he too, eventually left Rick to suffer alone, so he was surprised when a nurse peeked in his room and told him he had a visitor. If it had been one of the guys, they would have just walked in, so Rick was curious as to whom it might be as he sat up in bed.

  The door opened further, and a woman walked through. He recognized her but wasn’t sure why. With a shy smile she slowly approached and placed a small bouquet of flowers on the stand beside his bed. Her smile caused a wave of warmth to pass through his body – he thought she was very beautiful, but he couldn’t think of how he knew her.

  She pulled a chair up to his bed and settled herself, and though she smiled, she seemed hesitant to speak. Finally, she said, “You don’t remember me, do you?” Rick shook his head and apologized.

  “We met at the party. I’m Beth, Julia’s friend?”

  As she spoke, the memory of hitting on her in Keith’s kitchen slowly came back to him. “The librarian, right?”

  “So you do remember.” Her laugh seemed small and meek. “I’m glad you’re okay Ricky. You had a pretty close call.” She leaned toward him and brushed her hand across his briefly, as though petting him.

  “Yeah, I guess I got kinda lucky.” Ashamed, he vaguely recalled acting like an ass.

  “I’ve wanted to come and visit you, but I thought it might be best to wait until the worst had passed. Are you starting to feel a little better?” Rick nodded to her question, and wondered how she knew about the worst.

  “I wanted to explain why I acted the way I did at the party,” she said, but Rick cut her off.

  “You don’t have to. I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to me either, and I don’t blame you at all.”

  “But I did want to talk to you, just not while you were in that condition. My fiancé… He had a problem too, and I just can’t stick around to see someone else doing the same things, acting the same way.”

  Rick felt a stab of disappointment. “So, you’re engaged?”

  “I was. It was a few years ago,” she tugged at the drawstring from her jacket. “He wasn’t as lucky as you, he OD’d on heroin and died.” She kept her eyes downcast, but continued, “I’ve been around addicts Ricky, I’ve seen a lot of ugly things, and I won’t do it again.” She looked at him finally, and Rick read the meaning in her stare. He wanted to apologize for her loss, and explain himself a little, but she rose and pushed her chair back to its spot.

  “Maybe when they cut you loose, we’ll see how things go. If it seems cool, maybe you can take me out sometime,” she glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.

  “I’d really like that Beth. I’d like to have another chance to make a better first impression.”

  She smiled again, “I’m sure you could. You certainly can’t do worse.” And with that, she left.

  She had been there less than five minutes, but those five minutes raised Rick’s spirits immensely. He spent the rest of the afternoon anticipating what it would be like to take her out, even to kiss her, and it was then that he promised himself he would stay off pain pills, no matter how much he hurt. No cocaine, no nothing.

  Rick wasn’t even sure how he’d become so hooked. At first, it was just to keep the pain at bay, not to get high. But so
on, the line between dealing with pain and getting high began to blur. The drug rehab counselor explained to Rick how easily Percocet could become a problem. Even Dr. Howard warned him, but Rick felt he was above the average person, and wouldn’t fall victim to the drug’s addictive effects. He never felt more less than average as he did when he was in the throes of withdrawal, and he vowed he would never let himself feel so small and worthless again.

  ~

  Within a month of his stay in detox, Rick asked Beth out. She wouldn’t agree right away, she wanted to wait longer. He convinced her that all they would be doing was getting to know each other, and she finally said yes.

  It took him one day and one tank of gas to get used to driving again, he figured the date would be awkward enough without adding a third party to drive. He nervously knocked on her door at the appointed time. She opened it and greeted him with a bashful smile. He was a little surprised at how shy he felt himself – not used to dating, he felt out of his element. His plan was to hold back as much as possible, and take his cues from her behavior. Mostly, he didn’t want her to see how awkward the experience was for him.

  “Just let me grab my purse, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  While he waited, he once again checked to make sure he was in order, that his fly was up, and his shirt was properly tucked. She returned almost immediately, and they made their exit and headed for his car. Stepping in front of her, he opened the door for her and waited for her to get in. She smiled at him again, and he felt the same rush of warmth he had in the hospital.

  Once he was inside and had the car started, he asked, “Are you sure you don’t mind going to Guido’s? I know it’s not real fancy.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’ve never been there, and I’m not used to fancy anyway.”

  “Okay, good. I try to avoid the popular places, it’s easy to be recognized and next thing you know, you’ve got chi— people all over you.”